Photo by Lotus of Sarcastic Mom

Neil Kramer over at Citizen of the Month has posted his Fourth Annual Blogger Christmahanukwanzaakah Online Holiday Concert!

This is the first year I’ve tossed my proverbial hat into the ring (because I was oblivious to the existence of said ring until this year, and because I have no hair to keep my head warm I have to be very choosy about where I toss my hat). As the name suggests, Neil gets a bunch of bloggers (and I do mean a bunch, there are over 25 performances and lots of lovely photos) to record a holiday song and he posts them all on his blog.

I chose You’re A Mean One, Mr. Grinch, one of my all time favorite holiday songs. I’m pretty happy with my contribution, but many bloggers went above and beyond to spread the holiday cheer. I couldn’t even be bothered to do a VIDEO, I’m so lazy. Regardless, go check out everybody’s fine work. It’s chock full of (slightly warped) holiday cheer!

Happy holidays to all!

Owen is obsessed with Star Wars.

Owen is 3 3/4 (he’ll correct you if you say he’s 3 1/2), and obsessed with Star Wars. He’s probably too young for this fairly violent (and completely awesome) series of films (and cartoons – did you know there were cartoons?!). But we love it, and thought he would love it, and he does, so yahtzee! The thing is, I couldn’t take much more Diego. Or the Wiggles, oh my god the Wiggles. If you’ve managed to avoid this particular Australian import, count yourself extremely lucky. I thought we were so clever to have kept Barney out of the house, then the Wiggles flanked us and moved in. Clever Wiggles. Anyway, Owen has now seen all six Star Wars films, the Clone Wars animated feature, and many episodes of the Clone Wars animated TV show. He owns three very realistic, battery operated lightsabers, complete with lights and sounds, and has played Lego Star Wars: The Complete Saga on PlayStation3. He’s definitely too young for THAT. We’re horrible parents.

But that’s not the point. The point is, he’s most obsessed with particular aspects of Star Wars. Much to my wife’s chagrin (“I thought I had more time!”) his fixation is primarily on the female characters who aren’t wearing a lot of clothing. This includes Leia in the early scenes of Return of the Jedi, Padme Amidala after the arena scene in Attack of the Clones, and Asohka (Anakin’s padowan learner) in Clone Wars. All have bare midriffs, shoulders, legs – you get the idea. He also digs Jedi and lightsabers, but likes them best if they are defending (or wielded by) scantily clad females. We think questions about whether he might be gay are pretty much answered.

When Owen wants to watch Star Wars, he usually asks by saying something like, “I want to watch Star Wars, where Princess Leia gets captured by Jabba, and has a tummy.” Having a tummy means her tummy is bare. When he sees someone with their belly showing he asks “Why does she have a tummy?” When he isn’t wearing shoes and doesn’t want to walk on something without them, he’ll object, “But I have feet!” We were driving one day and talking about the beach, and how he wouldn’t need shoes and could run around with bare feet. From the back seat: “Silly Daddy, not bear feet, KID feet!” So it’s just feet. And tummies. So back to that.

The tummy fixation isn’t new. He will consistently notice and comment on anyone with a bare belly. He’s into observing and pointing out body parts, and tummies are special, I suspect because they’re less often spotted than say, heads. Visiting a local motorcycle shop with my stepdad, Owen spotted a poster of a woman in a bikini, leaning suggestively against a motorcycle. He took inventory: “She has legs, and she has a tummy, and she has those, and she has arms …” That was a few months ago. By now I think he knows what “those” are called (his baby brother is breastfeeding, after all). He’s nothing if not observant.

If you aren’t already, you should be reading Tanis Miller’s blog, Attack of the Redneck Mommy. She’s funny, and smart, and Canadian, and often blogs about her boobs. What more do you want? Anyway, I follow her on Twitter and had her avatar up on my screen when Owen walked by. He stopped and looked at the picture for a bit, and then in a slightly shy but impishly smiling way said, “Why isn’t she wearing a shirt?”

I think she might be, you just can’t see it in the picture.

(Impish smile) “She looks like she’s … captured.”

I told Tanis about Owen’s comment. She says this is why she’ll never change her avatar – according to her, her real photo? So not captured. I suspect we may have planted the seeds for a rich sexual fantasy life for our not-yet-four-year old once he’s a bit (read: a LOT) older. I also suspect Redneck Mommy would be proud if that’s true.

So, that brings us back to Star Wars, doesn’t it? I’m king of the segue.

As I mentioned, in addition to the mostly naked women of Star Wars, Owen likes the Jedi. He wants to be a Jedi when he grows up. He holds out his hand and screws up his face and wonders why no people or objects move around the room from his powers. It’s awesome and a little heartbreaking. I’ve given him no reason to think he can’t be a Jedi when he grows up. I hope he never stops believing he can. As Yoda said about not believing, “That is why you fail.”

Star Wars creeps into almost every conversation now. Last week Owen asked, “What kind of car does mommy have?” A Honda.

“What kind of car does daddy have?” A Toyota.

“I like daddy’s car better … because it has Yoda in it.”

My faith in humanity bolstered, I now think introducing him to Star Wars was a pretty good idea. We’re awesome parents.