badass dad blog » mushy stuff

on our eighth wedding anniversary

badassdadblog — Tue, 01 Jun 2010 20:13:10 +0000

Today my wife and I celebrate the eighth anniversary of our wedding. Last year on this date I wrote a love letter to Lisa on this blog. I don’t usually try to one-up myself. I want to grow and improve, but I think each new experience should be embraced on its own merits. It’s natural to compare today to yesterday, this year to last year, second kid to first kid, but each one is unique, and comparisons only go so far to tell us what things are really about.

So, I don’t intend to try and best last year’s note. Instead I want to acknowledge this day for what it is. A celebration of another wonderful, challenging, growth-filled year. I knew 12 months ago this year would bring change, challenges, and surprises. It did. It’s been one of the hardest years we’ve faced, and one of the best. It was the best of times, it was the worst of times? Cliché, but fitting.

Thinking of our wedding, I recall a moment during our reception. We were married in Lisa’s hometown of New York City in June 2002. Many arrangements were already made before September 11, 2001, and we had no intention of changing our plans. Most of our guests were not from New York, and many had never been there, so we decided to have our reception on a boat circling Manhattan. It afforded the best possible views of the city, including a sobering moment as we glided past the site of the World Trade Center attack. Some might think such a stark reminder of recent, horrible tragedy would be the last thing you’d want while celebrating your wedding. For me, though, the only honest way to cope with loss is to face it. Sadness is a part of life. We lose things we love. On Sept 11, 2001, nine months before we were married, we all lost a measure of our innocence. For some that loss was deep and acute: losing a family member, a loved one, or a friend. For others it was remote and abstract, but still painful. Looking at the hole in the city where the towers had stood, still fresh with twisted metal not yet repaired or removed, was a reminder that there will be dark times. The best we can do is weather them together, and look ahead to another day. Each year is a new opportunity. Every day a little death, and every day, rebirth.

So, we begin another year. Our ninth year married, our 17th as a couple. This year we’ve had our own minor tragedies, and triumphs. I know next year will be the same. I am hopeful the bright spots will outnumber and outweigh the dark ones. Whatever comes, we will face it together, arm in arm, with our children beside us.

I love you, Lisa. Happy anniversary.

father’s day is for idiots

badassdadblog — Fri, 19 Jun 2009 18:07:00 +0000

I write a dad blog. It says so right up in the title. (A title which, I realize, is not very imaginative. When I started the blog I called it “The Once and Future Badass Dad.” But was both pretentious and totally nonsensical, so now it’s just Badass Dad Blog. Which is lame, but tells it like it is.) So I think the fact I write a dad blog means I have to write a Father’s Day post. So, here it is.

Father’s Day is stupid. As are Mother’s Day, Valentine’s Day, Boss’s Day, Administrative Professionals Day, and Arbor Day. Actually, I kind of like Arbor Day. Trees are cool. But all those other ones are stupid.

First, they aren’t really holidays. The word holiday is derived from “holy day,” so by definition holidays are days of religious observance. In this way Independence Day, Thanksgiving, Memorial Day, and Labor Day are also not actually holidays, but I give those a pass because they’re patriotic and that’s almost like religion to some people. But the others, especially Father’s Day and Mother’s Day, exist for two reasons. Reason 1: To sell greeting cards and gifts. Reason 2: To remind people to appreciate people in their lives that no one should need to be reminded to appreciate.

I mean, c’mon. If someone has to tell you to love your mother and give her flowers and tell her she’s a great mom, you are an idiot. She’s your mom. She gave birth to you, and raised you, and refrained from killing you at any point during your young life. Rest assured, there were many times she wanted to. And she didn’t. She is to be honored and admired.

Likewise with dads. They spent their whole lives loving you and caring for you and playing trucks and trains and dolls and house and catch with you and most of them never even ordered up that DNA test that would once and for all prove you were actually their kid. That’s true love. And you need Hallmark to tell you one day a year to tell the guy you love him and buy him a card and an Amazon gift certificate? You suck.

Thing is, I also suck.

I don’t call my parents enough. I don’t visit them NEARLY enough. They come to us much more than we go to them, which I know makes a sort of sense because they don’t have small children to cart around but still, we should visit our parents more. I rarely get them really great birthday presents. I have almost no idea what they would like, and am too lazy to put in the effort to find out. I love my parents and appreciate everything they have done for me through my life to support me and care for me and raise me, and I don’t say those things to them enough. Because it’s mushy and sappy to say that stuff and how often do you really go there in day to day life?

Which I guess is why we have Father’s Day. Do tell us it’s OK to go there. It’s OK to tell your dad you love him, and you appreciate him, and he did an awesome job because you’re still alive and basically doing OK. We shouldn’t need the greeting card industry to remind us to say these things, but the truth is we need to be reminded.

So I still think Father’s Day is stupid, and is basically a day for idiots. Trouble is, I’m an idiot, so I probably need to accept that in the end, I need it. Crap.

I love you, Dad. And Greg. And Thom. All you guys are awesome dads in your own way. And if it’s possible you’re even awesomer grandpas to Owen and Nicholas. Those kids love you so much, and seeing how much you love them makes me tear up with the joyful humanity of it all. Like I’m doing a little right now.

Happy Father’s Day.

p.s. Also in honor of Father’s Day, I was interviewed on It Was A Very Good Year. Have a look and also check out what my fellow dad bloggers have to say over the next few days.

to my wife on our anniversary

badassdadblog — Tue, 02 Jun 2009 04:24:00 +0000

Dearest Lisa,

We’ve been married seven years today.

Seven years ago we stood up at West End Collegiate Church in New York City and pledged our love for each other in front of everyone. And we didn’t mention Jesus because I didn’t want to and you said that was OK. And then we walked/floated out of the church to the theme from Star Wars on the pipe organ. That ruled.

Seven years has gone so fast. People talk about the seven-year itch, but we cleared that hurdle by living together seven years before the wedding. When we got the seven year itch, we got married.

We’ve flown by the seat of our pants much of the time. We’ve trusted the Force, Luke. We weren’t sure we wanted kids. Then we decided we did. Owen was the most amazing thing that could ever be. He was incredible and we were happy and we weren’t sure we wanted to have more. Then we decided we did. And Nicholas was also the most amazing thing that could ever be. And it shouldn’t be possible for two things to be the most amazing anything, but they both are.

Now we look ahead. There will be new adventures. Uncharted territory. Not sure what, exactly, but things will change. They have, they do, and they will. And we’ll do it together.

I’m so lucky.

You are my best friend. You’re beautiful. You’re fiercely loyal. You like almost all the stuff I like (except Twitter.)

You’re a great listener. You’re an amazing lay (sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Kable). You’re an awesome mother to our kids.

We share things. We work together. I take the cans down to the street and you bring them back up. And it works.

I love you so much.

Happy anniversary, my love.